Friday, July 18, 2014

Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date A Drama Kid


Listen, I don't mean to talk badly about my own people, but when Robin gave you reasons you should date us, I knew I had to give you reasons not to.
It's only fair.
There are a few things you should be forewarned about before committing to an artistic, beautiful soul that is a drama kid. Such as...

1. We leave the drama outside...which is where you are.


The most true entry on this list.

2. The singing never stops.


Did you maybe want to listen to a casual song while driving in the car? HAH! Yeah right. You're probably going to have that screamed in your ear from the passenger seat. Either that, or there's going to be a Radio City Music Hall emotional crescendo to fit the song.

3. We're desperate for feedback.


Now, while it's true that we can handle constructive musings on our performances, we live off of peoples compliments, and die by their criticism.
Applause, laughter, screaming, weeping and other completely normal outbursts are something we actually appreciate. And if we don't always get it, we'll be convinced that we did something wrong.

4. We are very poor.



Hope you don't have a problem with dates consisting of sitting at home watching movies, because that's all we can afford. And that's just highschool. Wait until college.
What? We can't just not go see Hedwig and the Angry Inch after it won all those Tonys I don't care how much it is. And It's not our fault that we had to go buy a spandex unitard and pounds of makeup for Cats yesterday. Do you want us to just quit the show? Do you hate Cats? Do you hate me?

5. We like to look good.

George Costanza is the drama kid.

Regular day at school? BETTER WEAR A THREE PIECE SUIT. SUIT UP, GUYS.
This also conflicts with the above entry and gives us another thing to spend our limited funds on that is not you.

6. All of us are really humble and not at all arrogant

7.We can be...very straightforward.


That dress? Well...it's uhh...tacky.
Most times when we ask for feedback, we're looking for general, honest observations so that we can improve. So when other people come along looking for the "right" answer, we might just hit them with the "wrong" answer. It's for your own good, darling.

8. We might be seeing other people



*Those other people being another character while in a show.*
Yes, stage relationships and kisses are no joke ladies and gentleman. They even happen in high school. Multiple times. In one show. So if you're the jealous type, and can't suspend disbelief past seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend get close to someone else, you may be in trouble.

9. We're always busy


Immediately investing in this shirt.
Last year, I had an estimated total of seven days off from rehearsal. That's normally the Monday between a show's close on Saturday, and the next audition or cold-read on Tuesday.
From September all the way to the end of the school year, I was in the midst of memorizing, scheduling, or rehearsing for a show. Be it Mainstage, Black Box, Ensemble, Musical Theatre Troupe or Director's Guild.
But, by all means, catch us on one of those seven days and we'd totally love to hangout!

10. We enjoy all of it.



All of our little flaws and personality traits, our terrible schedules and our empty wallets...that's what make us different from the others in the hallway. You know who I'm talking about. The bro wearing an Obey shirt, tan shorts, Nike calf socks and Vans. "Goon squad!" he shouts. "Hella!"
We're not like that. But our big hearts are still capable of loving you.
So if you think we you can deal with everything mentioned above, you can't really go wrong.
Actually... if you can handle all that, maybe you should be a drama kid yourself.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

How To Mount A Revival



SO.          NOW.          WE'RE.           BIGGER.



THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE BIGGER.
I'M MOVING TO NEW YORK WITH ALL MY BAD BLOGS IN TOW.

it helps if you sing along.

WE'RE GOING BIGGER.
LIKE SO MUCH BIGGER.
YOU THINK WE'LL GET MORE HITS WHEN I'M IN SRO?

um...no.

WELL EITHER WAY I'LL TAKE YOU WITH ME WHEN I GO!

Go, Tristan, go!
I WENT TO SOME AUDITIONS, NOT AN OUNCE OF PREMONITION
HINTING THAT I'D GET IN ANYWHERE AT ALL.
I ENDED UP WITH EVERY SCHOOL TELLING ME THAT I'D BEEN NO FOOL
AND THAT I COULD ATTEND THERE IN THE FALL.

what's fall?

I WAS IN A TRUE STATE OF SHOCK, I REALLY THOUGHT I SUCKED...
BUT IN REALITY I WAS THE OPPOSITE OF F**KED!

yay!

I BOMBED THAT STUPID DANCE CALL, AND I ALMOST TURNED RIGHT AROUND
BUT I WENT INTO THE ACTING ROOM AND THOUGHT "TIME FOR A THROWDOWN."

no script!


NOW IT'S BIGGER!
THIS THING IS BIGGER!
I THINK THIS BLOG IS COOL, AND I DON'T CARE IF IT SHOWS.
OH YES, IT'S BIGGER.
IT'S REALLY BIGGER!
DO YOU THINK I'LL SURVIVE WHEN IT STARTS TO SNOW?

hell no.

BUT UNTIL I GET THERE NOT A SOUL WILL KNOW!
Let me slow it down for a moment...
Could I get my Tom Hooper Les Mis Closeup?

*hours of applause*

Thank you, thank you. 
Here in Arizona, we have hours and hours to waste typing out parody rhymes about our lives.
Check it.

At the end of the day I am frightened to leave this behind beyond all comprehension.
That I'll show up to New York and find that I'm helplessly stuck in another dimension.
That I won't fit the bill or the look, and just maybe I'll freakout from all. the. stress
That I'll hit some big wall in my school and my acting will start to slowly regress.
Nothing is bigger and badder than seeing a skyscraper lumbering o'er you.
When all the time you've had a home where the neighborhood roofs hardly blocked any sky blue.
But I might reassure myself,
if I hadn't just been myself,
that I might not have had the chance to go. and. test myself.



AND...SO...I'M...BIGGER!
UH HUH, I'M BIGGER.
THIS ISN'T INNUENDO... JUST SO ALL OF YOU KNOW.
THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S BIGGER.
VERY MUCH BIGGER.
BITCHING BACKSTAGE IS COMING BACK TO SAY HELLO!
AND THAT'S OUR 
BIGGER
BETTER,  
BLOG REVAMP INTRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

multiple exclamation points are the text equivalent of jazz hands!

*We're going to try posting here more often, and I'll be coming to you from NYU with regular updates on weather, education, and all things theatre- from the heart of the art. Stay tuned.*



Monday, May 6, 2013

Welcome to college...

here's your ass. We put it on a silver platter for you.

So like Tristan said, it's been an eternity since any updates appeared on this site (especially from yours truly but in my defense, I was prepping for an entire LIFE SHIFT SO STEP OFF KINDLY), but apparently it's back... and I have a few tidbits to mention.

So I've been away at college for the past year, and it's an entirely different world. Completely. Different people, different social constructs, different ways of seeing the world. And so I'd like to share a bit I've learned.

First off, I know the main function of this blog is to first and foremost discuss the deep intricacies of theater and how it's viewed... but there was one I never planned on. And that... was opera.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Rotund women in horned hats and deep-voiced men singing about Figaro, right?


NO.

This is Joyce DiDonato. She's better than you.
(Yes, her hair is almost always flowing like that.)

So I used to be tied to the same notions as many who still consider opera to be a rather dull affair; that we'd be stuck hearing the same tunes over and over again in tired outfits by people who just didn't know when to stop. But as one who's been studying the ins and outs of opera for the past year (and who shall continue to do so in the years to come), I can say one thing: we've lost our appreciation for this art form.

Consider this: Two men are discussing life with their friend, when a hypothesis is thrown down: women will not be faithful if their men are not around. So what do they do to test it? Each leave their partners and dress up in costumes to trick the other's girl into falling in love with him. Sound like a movie plot headed for the summer of 2013?

Nope. It's Mozart's Cosí Fan Tutte

In the words of Miranda Sings,  "So... gotcha."

Okay, well, I guess that makes sense. What if I told you there was a story with a grand party happening, and the host, instead of merely guiding the entertainment himself, invites two completely different types of entertainers to his party and demand that they both perform at the same time? Makings of a Broadway musical?

Rather,  Ariadne Auf Naxos by Richard Strauss.

Also, they're clowns. Burlesque clowns.
Strauss, you bucket of crazy.

Modern opera has gotten an enormous facelift. Gone are the days where you must dress in period clothes, else Puccini will come and break your face. (Puccini? La Boheme? Precursor to Rent? Okay, okay.) But it's become more and more popular to change and alter the landscape where certain operas are set. You want Semele in the 1950's, where Semele herself is Marilyn Monroe? Done. How about a production of Cosí Fan Tutte in the '20s that would make F. Scott proud? Okay. The Queen of the Night aria done... with goats?

Well, I mean...



But you get my point. This entire year has been an awakening for me to modern opera, and it's an exciting time to get involved. So next time someone makes a crack about horned helmets and Figaro being the only remnants of a tattered past... slap them for me. ;)

Also, remember Pirates of Penzance?

Well. Aren't we snazzy.

It's an opera. ;)


(For more information than I can give you about current opera shenanigans, I suggest visiting here! Buzzfeed does a very nice job of explaining what I cannot.)











Saturday, May 4, 2013

The Magic of Theatre

Good afternoon

HOLY HELL!
What? Never seen a zombie before? C'mon, I'm eating brains and taking names. Let's go.

Yes, it has been an eternity since our last post. And yes, we have had about as many viewers here as North Dakota has tourists. But I'm back to pump life into this decrepit blog. Like...the revival of Pippin! And would you look at that, I've transitioned flawlessly into the body of the post.

Recently, our theatre elite groups took an enlightening trip to NEW YORK! WOOOOHOOOO.
I had to pick the best picture of Robin
No big deal.
I mean, the buildings climbed so high that you could stare down the street and still not see the tops. The streets were so dirty, full of trash, and real. The bricks in the buildings seemed like they would crumble under the weight of history. The people were so naturally fashionable, fast-paced, and talented. The theaters were so unbelievably small, and our drama teacher was so famous, and we got to do incredible, mind-blowing workshops with professionals and live as though we were a part of the theatre scene.
Like I said, no big deal.

While we were living the good life, we had the opportunity to see three big-ticket Broadway shows.



And they were "big-ticket" for a reason.

Pippin has since premiered on Broadway (yeah, we saw it in previews) and received 10 Tony award nominations.
The revival features astounding circus elements tied with new concepts for choreography and design, as well as incorporating the timeless Fosse as seen in the original. The biggest change, however is seen in the sex of the musical's "Leading Player". Originated by Ben Vereen, the leading player role has been gender swapped and revived by the fabulous Patina Miller. A powerhouse of vocals and wit, Miller really reinvents the role, and keeps the entire musical moving forward with her cheshire grin. The entire show, with combined talent from the vocal and visual departments is an emotional journey that I had the pleasure of sharing with our instructor.
Yeah, "emotional journey" means I cried. I'm a real man, you're not.

Manly tears

The Big Knife was another "revival", you could say. It last premiered on Broadway 60 years ago.
2013's rendition included an incredible set, some great acting, and was chock full of big names, such as: Bobby Cannavale, Richard Kind, Marin Ireland, and Chip Zien. Yet set a good example for what a too-slow story line feels like.
But yeah. It was like seeing a movie in real life,

That sounds familiar...
If you haven't heard of Matilda: The Musical, you must be living under a rock. Matilda came over from London with high expectations after winning almost every Olivier Award possible (the London equivalent of a Tony). Now it's here on Broadway and taking over. With an astonishing 12 Tony nominations, Matilda is a pleasureable punch in the metaphorical face featuring adorable child-actors (reminding one of Billy Elliot), mesmerizing set design and lighting, laugh out-loud comedy, and an all around memorable score.
An unforgettable experience. Period. Every scene and song carried the impact of a pre-intermission song. You know, that one in every musical where the whole cast comes together to belt every melody in harmony. The one that never fails to give you goosebumps.
Dammit.... Mother! It happened again...
IN CONCLUSION,
Well...there is no conclusion, really. I began writing this post to revive the lifeless blog that is Bitching Backstage, and I ended up reviewing musicals and bragging endlessly about my first trip to the Big Apple.
But there is one lesson to be taken from this experience.
The magic of theatre is that it can take you places you've never gone before. It can turn you into people you never thought you can be. And maybe, change your entire perspective on life and send you reeling in another direction, pursuing your dreams and ultimately achieving happiness. Yep. All it takes is an audition. A life-altering line of dialogue said aloud, or a song sung with passion. That's all. Now go on out to your local theatre club, or group, or troupe or whatever it's called and put yourself out there. You are magic waiting to be heard. Join us!

and embrace our spandex




Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The day Broadway took over.

Today, Broadway is becoming more and more prominent in the lives of all.

With the introduction of hit shows such as Glee and Smash, and the rising popularity of the annual Tony award ceremony, musical entertainment is showing its "mainstream" side. Here, I am going to give you some  details of "the day (or new era) that Broadway took over".

1) Smash
(first season aired: 2012)
First, my personal favorite.

Smash is a television drama about what goes on behind the curtains of a *fictional* big Broadway musical.
The show is named "Bombshell" and follows the beautiful/tragic life of Marilyn Monroe.
From casting to pre-production to opening night, the characters of Smash duel for roles, sabotage competitors, and sing out their emotion. But that's not the only singing they do. Of course, since it is a musical they are making, numbers are introduced throughout the season, bringing in a nice mix of covers and original compositions. The best part for me is envisioning how a producer could pick up this idea, and turn the fantasy production into a real-life showstopper. And damn, could it be good.

2) Glee
(first season aired: 2009)
Yes...Glee.
As much as any of us would hate to admit it (meaning I. I hate to admit it), Glee has played a huge role in getting musical-type entertainment into the headlines. For anyone who's not in the loop, I'll explain.

Glee is a television comedy/drama/whatever you want to call it, about a High School Spanish teacher who takes over the dying glee club and renews it. In this show, you have all the basic teenage hormonal drama- packed with love interests, sexuality conflicts, and other issues. But they sing! So what...it may be heavily lip-synced and auto-tuned, and yeah, there's no original compositions, but they are singing. My generation (sigh) has made them so popular, that despite the previously mentioned facts, there's no way anyone could ignore that Glee has brought music and stage performance to a new level of recognition.



3) The Tonys!
(first...tony award given: 1947)

Yes! The Tony award ceremonies! Every Broadway writers/singers/actors/producers/directors dream!
Think of the breast....*ahhem!* I MEAN prestige!
For those of you who live under a rock (also...why are you reading this all-about-theatre blog?) who don't know what the Tony awards are:
The Tony's (named after the Antoinette Perry Award for Excellence in Theatre) is an annual award ceremony -like the Academy awards, Oscars, etc..- designated to recognize the best and brightest of Broadway that year.
And despite being run by a panel of about 700 like-minded judges, they usually make the right decisions.
Most major Broadway shows have either been popular and won a Tony, or won a Tony then became popular.
How about a list inside of a list!? Listception (had to be done)

1)Guys & Dolls                   6)Fiddler on the Roof  11)Evita           16)The Producers

2)My Fair Lady                   7)The Wiz                   12)Cats           17)Hairspray

3)The Music Man        8)A Chorus Line     13)Les Miserables 18)Spring Awakening

4)The Sound of Music         9)Annie                       14)Rent             19)Billy Elliot

5)How to Succeed 10)Sweeney Todd  15)The Lion King  20)The Book of Mormon
                                         
                                                 And this years...21) Once

All of those titles should be recognizable to the reader.
All of those shows won "Best" in their category.
But...anyone notice something? They're all musicals. (durr) And these are some of the winners since 1947. If you're doing the math right now, that's 38 years worth of winners that I did not list.
So, what do we have so far? Well, the list contains about a third of all the winners for Best Musical.
But wait! there's more. You forgot the runners-up for Best Musical! In that category, there are over 182 musicals that placed below the winner. These include (but are not limited to) 

1)West Side Story  6)Grease            11)Into the Woods          16)Wicked

2)Gypsy                  7)Pippin             12)Beauty and the Beast  17)Rock of Ages

3)Oliver!                 8)Chicago          13)Smokey Joe's Cafe     18)American Idiot

4)Hair                     9)Dreamgirls      14)Ragtime                19)Catch Me If You Can

5)Follies                10)Joseph & the ATD  15)Mamma Mia!               20)Sister Act
                             
                          And this years (popular) runner-up...21)Newsies

Holy Balls, did I get off topic.
Well, the main point of this whole article is to prove that musical entertainment is becoming more pronounced in our lives, right?
So tell me- how many of those titles did you recognize?
Maybe more then you'd expect, huh? Well there ya go. That has to be some kind of proof that the Tony's is worming it's way into your brain..like a parasite! Right? Right!?
Well okay, you get what I mean.

The essence of this article: Musical entertainment is all around you! Seek it out! There is a large group of fun, accepting people inching into daily society that are waiting for you to join them (not a cult).

But.. if you are really bent on not getting into our scene- persistently steering away whenever you hear those kids in the Black Box shout out a showtune, and changing channels as soon as you see Neil Patrick Harris doing his opening number- well...we'll probably just find you and force you to drink our fahbulous kool-aid. Whether you want it or not!
At which point you'll be whisked away to this heaven!
 (see you on the other side, Robin)



Monday, August 20, 2012

Phone Rings, Door Chimes, In Comes... Hello? Anybody?



Hey, remember back when there was more than one-and-a-half/two people running this blog? Remember back when people posted stuff here? Ah, memories. But then we get one or six little threatening notes from some dick called Chad about "taking us all out one by one," and all the little sissies run off. I'm sure that was just a joke, you wussies! But fine, I didn't need them, I can run this just fine by myself, and I've still got the Hipster for eye candy. Right, Hipster? ....Hello?
No one wants to work with the self proclaimed "Bitch," and I can't imagine why.
But this seemingly tragic event is all according to plan, because it gives me a nice little segway into what I was planning to write about. But I've forgotten what that was, so instead I'll talk about the Theatre of the Absurd. I make the rules now.
My first experience with Theatre of the Absurd was in Drama class, where I wrote a scene about a piece of space junk crashing into an out-of-used satellite, and the satellite realizing that it's scientists had stopped sending it signals and it was alone, kind of like how I'm all alone, so alone, just me and the friendly voices in my head telling me never to forgive those bad people.
Why do so many people take pictures of themselves curled up in dark rooms?
The awesomeness of my own work aside, I guess I have a bit of mixed feelings about them. The Absurdist shows, that is. I thought you might have gotten confused, because people tell me I get sidetracked easily and butterflies. But anyway, when I think of Surreal Shows, as I often do on these lonely nights, whilst taking pictures of myself curled up in a dark room, my instinctive response is to say that I love them. I want to be the type of person who likes absurd things. But if someone were to ask my opinion, which they never would- which is why I have a blog instead of friends, I would feel the need to think it over, and note that there are both pros and cons blah blah blah, no one came here to listen to me sound like an essay, so lets make a LIST! 
First off- The PROS!
Here represented by Robert Downey Jr. because it's my blog now and you can't stop me.
1. Surrealism gives you the power to explore things you might not be able to otherwise. The more odd and unreal a play is, or the more cerebral the play is, the easier it seems to be to explore a more cerebral topic. (That sounded far less obvious in my head.) Did you ask for examples? I thought I heard someone ask for examples. Well, I'll put some out anyway, and you can take them if you want. (I'm not saying that the following are examples of Theatre of the Absurd, I'm just saying they have some surreal moments/qualities that help capture their deeper topics/thoughts. Jesus. I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.)
What were you expecting a picture of?
 Company:  At first, it seems straightforward, but then you realize that this guy has been having a hell of a lot of Birthdays lately, and that it was actually pretty stupid of you to expect straightforward from a Sondheim musical. Man attempts to sort out his feelings on commitment, watching his crazy married friends, his birthday, and his own relationships. At one point there's a tiny parade. And that's fine.
Death of a Salesman: Mostly realistic, but also delves deeply into memory, and has a few parts purely in the characters head. No, I won't tell you what it's about. Go read it. No I don't care if you don't have a copy. Buy one. Borrow one. Get one from the library. Steal one. Hold a friend hostage until their parents buy you a copy, and maybe a car too, since you have their son and all.
Waiting for Godot: Flat out Theatre of The Absurd. What the fuck is going on.
12. I feel like I could make a clever rhyme using the word "Artsy," but it escapes me. I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for the artistic type stuff. I'm one of those dicks that play pixel flash games that are 87% text and thinks abstract art is really deep. And in my defense, some of those can be really good. And it's great to live in a world where you can say, "I am an energetic piece of space junk" in front of a group of people, and they'll simply accept that. There's so many doors that are open to you.
I got it! Artsy Pie-chartsy!
75. Elephants are Awesome.

CONS
Here represented by some stranger I've never seen before.

1. Less accessible.This might end up being my only point in the cons section, but it's a pretty big point. Surreal works are very hard for some people to like, understand, and preform. For example, On of my favorite movies (as I might have mentioned before) is Adaptation, by Charlie and Donald Kaufman. If you aren't familiar with Charlie Kaufman's other works [Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind], he's well known for being, as the professionals put it, weird as hell. Now, I think he's awesome and love it. But I've had friendly dinner conversations with people who thought his movies were just weird, and 'didn't get them.' As I poured hot soup over their heads, I mused that there are some people in the world who will just never be able to get into Absurdist theatre. It's one thing to watch Oklahoma! and like it. (That was a bad example. No one with any taste actually likes Oklahoma!) But even I had some troubles reading Waiting for Godot. Partly because I lost my place halfway through, and when I tried to remember what was happening so I could find where I was, I realized that nothing was happening ever. Adding on to that, you're probably never going to see a high school preform Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. (Although that'd be pretty bitchin'.) Like I said, it's less accessible. A smaller amount of people would be able to preform it, and there's a smaller market audience for it.
2. ... But Is it Art? Remember how earlier, I commented that I play a lot of Artistic type flash games? No, of course you don't, because you're only skimming through and looking at the pictures. But one problem with those games, is that some people just make a point and click game with shitty graphics, make everyone really agnsty, and then kill everyone off at the end. And as many observant people are probably thinking while reading this, there's a fine, fine line between absurdist art, and just being weird in the hopes people will think you're clever. And it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes. This problem pops up in about every form of media: Is abstract art brilliant, or just splotches on a canvas? Are these pictures of a pair of shoes deep and meaningful, or hipster bullshit? Are free verse poems / forms of art/ or just words/ with funny/ line breaks?
Jason Pollock is a question all in of himself.
I'd like to end this post in a parable.
Once apon a time, there was a cat and a turtle, who lived together in an old lady's house. Now, the turtle was a very obedient turtle, kind and easy to get along with. But he was also a very dull turtle, that never did anything but lie around and eat, and he never offered the lady any excitement or joy. The cat, meanwhile, was very hard to get along with, hissing at people who came too close and knocking over vases when no one was looking. But the old lady decided to befriend this cat anyway, and found to her delight that when she worked hard enough, the cat began to cuddle with her at nights and purr in her ear, giving the old lady great joy. The Surreal play is like this cat.
And then one day, a giant dragon flew down from the sky and ate the old lady, and the cat turned out to be a witch and flew away. And the turtle was alone, all alone, alone like me, with no one but the psychopath in the corner to keep me company.
Tomato soup.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Because I'm A Writer

Here's a phrase I hear a lot: "...which is funny, because you're a writer!"
"...which is funny, because you're a writer," as David Bowie often says to me.
Now, I guess I should be happy that David Bowie (and other people as well) sees me as a writer.  It's a slightly new experience for me to have people acknowledge I have talents/not see me as anything but a slightly needy five year old. But I guess I don't really fit into their expectations of what a writer should be, because the people I am forced to converse with to look like a decent human being are constantly saying things like, "You aren't very observant, which is funny, because your a writer!" or "you aren't very good at understanding people, which is funny, because you're a writer!" or "You aren't very good at focusing/ staying in the moment, which is funny, because you're a writer!"
"You're not a very good writer, which is funny, because you're a writer!"
Now, these are all valid points. I have the observational skills of a brick, and as a brick, I don't have much understanding of how these strange creatures that put me and my brethren on top of each other and build houses out of us work. And bricks don't have very good attention spans, which you may not know if you aren't a brick, and if you are, congratulations on stealing a computer from the humans. Our day to rule shall one day be upon us.
At the very least, it would explain why "Another Brick In the Wall" comes on every fucking time I turn on the radio.
 And I know that the typical view of writers are that they are mildly eccentric and occasionally forget to eat, yet acutely aware of the finer details and life and the thoughts of others, absorbing information for use in their future manuscript.  This is the viewpoint television has given us, and television is never ever wrong ever and should always be trusted. Actually, most writers I know are far, far, far, far more observant than I am, and seem to understand other people better, and while they may not be the dietary challenged Sherlock Holmes some people seen to think we all are, they pretty much fall in line (at least partly) with people's expectations.
And then there's me. I am none of this. And how strange it is! How amusing, that I am not a part of this strange writer world, not one of those strange, otherworldly people, and yet, I PUT WORDS DOWN ON PAPER AND THEY FORM SCRIPTS! What witchcraft is this?
First of all, why do you think this is a good thing to say to me? What part of your brain is thinking, "People find it absolutely hilarious when I point out their shortcomings!" You don't here me going, "You aren't very likable, which is funny, because you're trying to talk to me!"
I don't say that to Bowie, obviously. (Partly because he never tries to talk to me.)
I know these people are probably just- no, honestly, I haven't the slightest idea what they're trying to do, probably because I'm not good at understanding people. But I'm sure they mean well. But I can't help but shake the feeling that they're pointing out my short comings as a writer, or expressing disbelief that I could even be a writer, without the necessary observational skills. As if after they say it, they think I might go, "Well, you caught me! Of course I'm not a writer! I just flail aimlessly on the keyboard, and spellcheck turns it all into words!"
(which I'd need to do if I were a brick.)
 But you know what, people? I don't do that. Well, sometimes I do, but flailing aimlessly is an important part of the writing process. But, I do write. I have written stories, plays, monologues, and mini-musicals. And some people say they're quite good. Because my ability to notice if the walls have been painted a color doesn't affect my ability to hold a pen (or more likely, type on a computer), and my inability to not-space out during Math class doesn't stop me from being able to formulate sentences.
So, I'm sorry I don't fit into your view of what a writer should be.
But I wrote this and you didn't, so I don't really see why I should care.
Fuck you too!