Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date A Drama Kid

Listen, I don't mean to talk badly about my own people, but when Robin gave you reasons you should date us, I knew I had to give you reasons not to.
It's only fair.
There are a few things you should be forewarned about before committing to an artistic, beautiful soul that is a drama kid. Such as...

1. We leave the drama outside...which is where you are.

The most true entry on this list.

2. The singing never stops.

Did you maybe want to listen to a casual song while driving in the car? HAH! Yeah right. You're probably going to have that screamed in your ear from the passenger seat. Either that, or there's going to be a Radio City Music Hall emotional crescendo to fit the song.

3. We're desperate for feedback.

Now, while it's true that we can handle constructive musings on our performances, we live off of peoples compliments, and die by their criticism.
Applause, laughter, screaming, weeping and other completely normal outbursts are something we actually appreciate. And if we don't always get it, we'll be convinced that we did something wrong.

4. We are very poor.

Hope you don't have a problem with dates consisting of sitting at home watching movies, because that's all we can afford. And that's just highschool. Wait until college.
What? We can't just not go see Hedwig and the Angry Inch after it won all those Tonys I don't care how much it is. And It's not our fault that we had to go buy a spandex unitard and pounds of makeup for Cats yesterday. Do you want us to just quit the show? Do you hate Cats? Do you hate me?

5. We like to look good.

George Costanza is the drama kid.

Regular day at school? BETTER WEAR A THREE PIECE SUIT. SUIT UP, GUYS.
This also conflicts with the above entry and gives us another thing to spend our limited funds on that is not you.

6. All of us are really humble and not at all arrogant

7.We can be...very straightforward.

That dress? Well...it's uhh...tacky.

Most times when we ask for feedback, we're looking for general, honest observations so that we can improve. So when other people come along looking for the "right" answer, we might just hit them with the "wrong" answer. It's for your own good, darling.

8. We might be seeing other people

*Those other people being another character while in a show.*
Yes, stage relationships and kisses are no joke ladies and gentleman. They even happen in high school. Multiple times. In one show. So if you're the jealous type, and can't suspend disbelief past seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend get close to someone else, you may be in trouble.

9. We're always busy

Immediately investing in this shirt.

Last year, I had an estimated total of seven days off from rehearsal. That's normally the Monday between a show's close on Saturday, and the next audition or cold-read on Tuesday.

From September all the way to the end of the school year, I was in the midst of memorizing, scheduling, or rehearsing for a show. Be it Mainstage, Black Box, Ensemble, Musical Theatre Troupe or Director's Guild.
But, by all means, catch us on one of those seven days and we'd totally love to hangout!

10. We enjoy all of it.

All of our little flaws and personality traits, our terrible schedules and our empty wallets...that's what make us different from the others in the hallway. You know who I'm talking about. The bro wearing an Obey shirt, tan shorts, Nike calf socks and Vans. "Goon squad!" he shouts. "Hella!"
We're not like that. But our big hearts are still capable of loving you.
So if you think we you can deal with everything mentioned above, you can't really go wrong.
Actually... if you can handle all that, maybe you should be a drama kid yourself.

Phone Rings, Door Chimes, In Comes... Hello? Anybody?

Hey, remember back when there was more than one-and-a-half/two people running this blog? Remember back when people posted stuff here? Ah, memories. But then we get one or six little threatening notes from some dick called Chad about "taking us all out one by one," and all the little sissies run off. I'm sure that was just a joke, you wussies! But fine, I didn't need them, I can run this just fine by myself, and I've still got the Hipster for eye candy. Right, Hipster? ....Hello?

No one wants to work with the self proclaimed "Bitch," and I can't imagine why.

But this seemingly tragic event is all according to plan, because it gives me a nice little segway into what I was planning to write about. But I've forgotten what that was, so instead I'll talk about the Theatre of the Absurd. I make the rules now.
My first experience with Theatre of the Absurd was in Drama class, where I wrote a scene about a piece of space junk crashing into an out-of-used satellite, and the satellite realizing that it's scientists had stopped sending it signals and it was alone, kind of like how I'm all alone, so alone, just me and the friendly voices in my head telling me never to forgive those bad people.

Why do so many people take pictures of themselves curled up in dark rooms?

The awesomeness of my own work aside, I guess I have a bit of mixed feelings about them. The Absurdist shows, that is. I thought you might have gotten confused, because people tell me I get sidetracked easily and butterflies. But anyway, when I think of Surreal Shows, as I often do on these lonely nights, whilst taking pictures of myself curled up in a dark room, my instinctive response is to say that I love them. I want to be the type of person who likes absurd things. But if someone were to ask my opinion, which they never would- which is why I have a blog instead of friends, I would feel the need to think it over, and note that there are both pros and cons blah blah blah, no one came here to listen to me sound like an essay, so lets make a LIST! 
First off- The PROS!

Here represented by Robert Downey Jr. because it's my blog now and you can't stop me.

1. Surrealism gives you the power to explore things you might not be able to otherwise. The more odd and unreal a play is, or the more cerebral the play is, the easier it seems to be to explore a more cerebral topic. (That sounded far less obvious in my head.) Did you ask for examples? I thought I heard someone ask for examples. Well, I'll put some out anyway, and you can take them if you want. (I'm not saying that the following are examples of Theatre of the Absurd, I'm just saying they have some surreal moments/qualities that help capture their deeper topics/thoughts. Jesus. I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.)

What were you expecting a picture of?

 Company:  At first, it seems straightforward, but then you realize that this guy has been having a hell of a lot of Birthdays lately, and that it was actually pretty stupid of you to expect straightforward from a Sondheim musical. Man attempts to sort out his feelings on commitment, watching his crazy married friends, his birthday, and his own relationships. At one point there's a tiny parade. And that's fine.
Death of a Salesman: Mostly realistic, but also delves deeply into memory, and has a few parts purely in the characters head. No, I won't tell you what it's about. Go read it. No I don't care if you don't have a copy. Buy one. Borrow one. Get one from the library. Steal one. Hold a friend hostage until their parents buy you a copy, and maybe a car too, since you have their son and all.
Waiting for Godot: Flat out Theatre of The Absurd. What the fuck is going on.
12. I feel like I could make a clever rhyme using the word "Artsy," but it escapes me. I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for the artistic type stuff. I'm one of those dicks that play pixel flash games that are 87% text and thinks abstract art is really deep. And in my defense, some of those can be really good. And it's great to live in a world where you can say, "I am an energetic piece of space junk" in front of a group of people, and they'll simply accept that. There's so many doors that are open to you.
I got it! Artsy Pie-chartsy!
75. Elephants are Awesome.

CONS

Here represented by some stranger I've never seen before.

1. Less accessible.This might end up being my only point in the cons section, but it's a pretty big point. Surreal works are very hard for some people to like, understand, and preform. For example, On of my favorite movies (as I might have mentioned before) is Adaptation, by Charlie and Donald Kaufman. If you aren't familiar with Charlie Kaufman's other works [Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind], he's well known for being, as the professionals put it, weird as hell. Now, I think he's awesome and love it. But I've had friendly dinner conversations with people who thought his movies were just weird, and 'didn't get them.' As I poured hot soup over their heads, I mused that there are some people in the world who will just never be able to get into Absurdist theatre. It's one thing to watch Oklahoma! and like it. (That was a bad example. No one with any taste actually likes Oklahoma!) But even I had some troubles reading Waiting for Godot. Partly because I lost my place halfway through, and when I tried to remember what was happening so I could find where I was, I realized that nothing was happening ever. Adding on to that, you're probably never going to see a high school preform Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. (Although that'd be pretty bitchin'.) Like I said, it's less accessible. A smaller amount of people would be able to preform it, and there's a smaller market audience for it.
2. ... But Is it Art? Remember how earlier, I commented that I play a lot of Artistic type flash games? No, of course you don't, because you're only skimming through and looking at the pictures. But one problem with those games, is that some people just make a point and click game with shitty graphics, make everyone really agnsty, and then kill everyone off at the end. And as many observant people are probably thinking while reading this, there's a fine, fine line between absurdist art, and just being weird in the hopes people will think you're clever. And it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes. This problem pops up in about every form of media: Is abstract art brilliant, or just splotches on a canvas? Are these pictures of a pair of shoes deep and meaningful, or hipster bullshit? Are free verse poems / forms of art/ or just words/ with funny/ line breaks?

Jason Pollock is a question all in of himself.

I'd like to end this post in a parable.
Once apon a time, there was a cat and a turtle, who lived together in an old lady's house. Now, the turtle was a very obedient turtle, kind and easy to get along with. But he was also a very dull turtle, that never did anything but lie around and eat, and he never offered the lady any excitement or joy. The cat, meanwhile, was very hard to get along with, hissing at people who came too close and knocking over vases when no one was looking. But the old lady decided to befriend this cat anyway, and found to her delight that when she worked hard enough, the cat began to cuddle with her at nights and purr in her ear, giving the old lady great joy. The Surreal play is like this cat.
And then one day, a giant dragon flew down from the sky and ate the old lady, and the cat turned out to be a witch and flew away. And the turtle was alone, all alone, alone like me, with no one but the psychopath in the corner to keep me company.

Tomato soup.

Ten Reasons You Should Only Date Drama Kids

The only thing missing from this list is my phone number. Winky-face and whatever it is the cool kids are doing these days.


1. We're all super hot.

(His first mistake was putting this picture where I could reach it.)

 No, seriously, think about it. When's the last time you went to a play, and saw someone unattractive on stage? Never, that's when. Drama kids were just born to be looked at. And you may be thinking, “Oh, yeah, sure, but what about the Techies and the people offstage? Surely they can't all be attractive.” Well, don't be stupid. The people offstage need  to be (and are, ow ow) attractive to keep the morale of the actors up. (And really, how can you not be sexy while lifting set-pieces and pulling heavy levers? Aw yeah, baby, raise that drop.)

2. Drama relationships last statistically longer than average High School relationships. Okay, that hasn't been scientifically proven, but it feels true. It last longer then those week-long relationships you see on Facebook, anyway, so there's that. We're better than your stupid Facebook friends.

 

3. We can memorize page long Shakespeare monologues. We can recite lines from Medea while hundreds of people are staring us down. We can probably remember your birthday. (Note- Don't expect this from Drama writers. We're writers, and therefore charmingly “out-of-it.”) (I say writers, I mean me, I'm just generalizing to make myself look better.)

  4. Don't like us? That's okay, we can just be someone else!

With the magic of acting, you could be dating Neil Patrick Harris, Audrey Hepburn, Robert Downy Jr., David Bowie, and if you want to date someone else, you're really just being greedy! Dating Drama kids is like having the Ditto Pokemon- you can be dating ANYONE. (Well, obviously, you aren't dating the Pokemon. Well, I hope not, you SICK FREAK.)

5. Even the most annoying Drama Kid is better than an annoying Average High Schooler. For example, that asshole Chad who keeps yelling in the middle of Bio about sex and drugs? He'd never be in a Theatre class. Let's face it, drama kids are just better then everyone else. 

6. All of us are really humble and not at all arrogant. 

 7.We'll give you piggy back rides.

(I reflexively hate these people, and the fact that I have no basis for my hate only makes me hate them more.)

How often do you get piggy back rides? Not enough, right? Well, if you date a Drama Kid, your piggy-backless days are OVER. I don't know why, but Black Boxes are fuming with piggy-back antics. It doesn't even attract weird looks or anything, it's just a thing that happens. And it will happen for you, because anyone who doesn't give their significant other piggy-back rides when requested is either lacking upper-body strength or is a communist. (So date someone strong.)

8.If you don't, we'll write an emotional monologue about our soul wrenching feelings for you. It'll happen, just saying. Meanwhile, if you do, we'll write a happy two character scene leading up to a song, about how happy and in love we are! Yay! (Until our relationship starts having problems, in which case we're back in emotional land, but GOD CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY IN THE MOMENT.)

9.All of us are at least slightly crazy. Fun crazy, that is. Not “Oh god he's put the hamster in the microwave again” crazy, just “Is he riding around on his friend's shoulders while singing 'I Can Show You The World?'” crazy. So, you know, they'll keep things interesting. Who wants to be with a normal person, anyway? They're boring as hell. I heard they talk things like 'taxes' and 'politics.' Wild, man.

 10.Drama kids are like Heroin.

I was going to have a funny picture of a junkie here, but it turns out that's not funny at all so here's a kitten instead.

You try them once, and suddenly, nothing else is good enough, and every other high-school seems inferior, and you need more and more, and you think you can quit anytime but you can't and you try to get buy on some quick hard roadside monologues, but that doesn't even get you buzzed anymore and you end up with a tube in your arm attached to a kid singing show-tunes. Or something like that. Anyway, once you have drama kids, nothing else will do. (I think that's what I was trying to say. Hey, can you hook me up with Playbill, man?)

And suddenly, the fourth appeared.

I dislike introductions.

Or, at least, poorly executed ones.

I've often pondered available alternatives to the staleness of "Hi, I'm [some ineloquent moniker, like Chad... apologies to all named Chad, you unfortunate bastards], I like puppies and I have two kids!"
Not that Chad's life isn't potentially intriguing; I'm sure he'd be able to fascinate at parties with the best of them. But first impressions, though often fleeting in the duration of their occurrence, are of the utmost importance in many social situations (galas and benefits, business meetings, fated encounters at IKEA... is that just me? Oops), and our dear friend Chad would not be able to cut it in certain company.
So, dear reader, that begs the question: how shall I reveal myself to you?
...Clearly through the dissection of rudimentary social conventions. Moving on.

I, the songstress. I would dearly hope you can draw from that exactly what I do. Singing is my entire being. And not the simple (or simply ridiculous) fare that issues from the speakers of many of my generation (though that may be "music", it is anything but musical), but the classics, whether they be legitimate classical or poignant enough in lyric and delivery to earn the label "classic".

I hope you know who this is. This man is bloody brilliant. The fact of whether or not you are inclined to agree, you'll find, is one I'm not so inclined to care about.

 

...As much as I'd love to continue fangirling over Monsieur Simon, that is rather not the point. Anyway. You'll find that I differ from my cohorts in one respect: I did not choose theater when blazing my path through public education. This is not to say I lack an interest; in fact, I find theater and all its particulars endlessly fascinating (especially those of musicals; I'm a bit of a nutcase when it comes to musicals. Seriously. Don't even mess). But, being of the mind that I wanted my voice specifically to take me places in life, I selected choir.

...To be perfectly frank, it saved my life.

No, not in a way that would have involved me taking drastic action where my vitality was concerned. That situation's presence is not mandatory for a life to be saved. Choir gave me a person to be, a group of people to love and lead, and a perspective on my existence that I could not have gained anywhere else, and for that, I am indebted.

So I suppose that gives you some small taste of who I am, and if it doesn't, I'm playing the "I'm too fatigued to continue into further detail" card.

Yeah, fool. You just got told by Yoda. Pretty sure Obi-Wan shares his sentiments, too.  

I'm predicting a sharp increase in either my snarkiness or my hyperactivity in the next few posts, so stay tuned. It'll certainly be something entertaining.