Ten Reasons You Should Only Date Drama Kids

The only thing missing from this list is my phone number. Winky-face and whatever it is the cool kids are doing these days.


1. We're all super hot.

(His first mistake was putting this picture where I could reach it.)

 No, seriously, think about it. When's the last time you went to a play, and saw someone unattractive on stage? Never, that's when. Drama kids were just born to be looked at. And you may be thinking, “Oh, yeah, sure, but what about the Techies and the people offstage? Surely they can't all be attractive.” Well, don't be stupid. The people offstage need  to be (and are, ow ow) attractive to keep the morale of the actors up. (And really, how can you not be sexy while lifting set-pieces and pulling heavy levers? Aw yeah, baby, raise that drop.)

2. Drama relationships last statistically longer than average High School relationships. Okay, that hasn't been scientifically proven, but it feels true. It last longer then those week-long relationships you see on Facebook, anyway, so there's that. We're better than your stupid Facebook friends.

 

3. We can memorize page long Shakespeare monologues. We can recite lines from Medea while hundreds of people are staring us down. We can probably remember your birthday. (Note- Don't expect this from Drama writers. We're writers, and therefore charmingly “out-of-it.”) (I say writers, I mean me, I'm just generalizing to make myself look better.)

  4. Don't like us? That's okay, we can just be someone else!

With the magic of acting, you could be dating Neil Patrick Harris, Audrey Hepburn, Robert Downy Jr., David Bowie, and if you want to date someone else, you're really just being greedy! Dating Drama kids is like having the Ditto Pokemon- you can be dating ANYONE. (Well, obviously, you aren't dating the Pokemon. Well, I hope not, you SICK FREAK.)

5. Even the most annoying Drama Kid is better than an annoying Average High Schooler. For example, that asshole Chad who keeps yelling in the middle of Bio about sex and drugs? He'd never be in a Theatre class. Let's face it, drama kids are just better then everyone else. 

6. All of us are really humble and not at all arrogant. 

 7.We'll give you piggy back rides.

(I reflexively hate these people, and the fact that I have no basis for my hate only makes me hate them more.)

How often do you get piggy back rides? Not enough, right? Well, if you date a Drama Kid, your piggy-backless days are OVER. I don't know why, but Black Boxes are fuming with piggy-back antics. It doesn't even attract weird looks or anything, it's just a thing that happens. And it will happen for you, because anyone who doesn't give their significant other piggy-back rides when requested is either lacking upper-body strength or is a communist. (So date someone strong.)

8.If you don't, we'll write an emotional monologue about our soul wrenching feelings for you. It'll happen, just saying. Meanwhile, if you do, we'll write a happy two character scene leading up to a song, about how happy and in love we are! Yay! (Until our relationship starts having problems, in which case we're back in emotional land, but GOD CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY IN THE MOMENT.)

9.All of us are at least slightly crazy. Fun crazy, that is. Not “Oh god he's put the hamster in the microwave again” crazy, just “Is he riding around on his friend's shoulders while singing 'I Can Show You The World?'” crazy. So, you know, they'll keep things interesting. Who wants to be with a normal person, anyway? They're boring as hell. I heard they talk things like 'taxes' and 'politics.' Wild, man.

 10.Drama kids are like Heroin.

I was going to have a funny picture of a junkie here, but it turns out that's not funny at all so here's a kitten instead.

You try them once, and suddenly, nothing else is good enough, and every other high-school seems inferior, and you need more and more, and you think you can quit anytime but you can't and you try to get buy on some quick hard roadside monologues, but that doesn't even get you buzzed anymore and you end up with a tube in your arm attached to a kid singing show-tunes. Or something like that. Anyway, once you have drama kids, nothing else will do. (I think that's what I was trying to say. Hey, can you hook me up with Playbill, man?)